I yearn to be free one day. Not exactly freedom, but free from stress, lies, and probably even from myself. I need to stop giving a damn, i need to control my stress level, basically everything. i learned my lesson these few months. Everyone changed. Called me silly, for wanting to give up being friends but couldn't bring myself to do it.
不代表你对他人摆出诚恳的一面, 他们也会.

Have been hanging out and not staying home for quite some time. And finally, I'm willing to set my brain on this.  Due to those hang outs, i realized that i'm stupid. Really. It's not what you think you should do that's best for your friend because you wanted to help them or what. It's just that, they do not have that same mindset as yours. Just because they are willing to tell you what happen to themselves and their story, doesn't mean that they are willing to listen to what you are going to say. For me, I'm really glad i can tell peiying what's my problem. Although there are quite a few personal things i can't share with her. But! at least, when i'm fucking stress, she's all i had. Telling her what i'm feeling, how heartbroken i am (Not just relationship, but everything), saying what i'm thinking, basically, almost everything. It might be because she's experiencing almost the same thing as me, not exactly the same though, but family, relationships, friends. I'm one of those easily irritated kind of person, i know what's best for myself, i know what's good and what's bad, but that doesn't mean that i will not do or think something that is immature. I'm not going to share what kind of problems i facing, as that will only led more problems to myself and others. Why should i ? I suffered more than enough, i just want to feel care free. Still, humans are selfish. I am, too. I wanted what's best for everyone around me. Apparently, you can't please everyone. You tend to hurt one while helping another. Anyway, no one knows, no one bother, no one cares. I thought that i shouldn't too. But i can't help it because i have a soft spot. No matter how hurt i am, as long as they say sorry, or do something to make me smile, i  get over it quickely. No exactly get over it, but trying to depress those matters much as i can, and then, BOOM! i flare up. Not that anyone cares either. That night, damn chilly, damn cold, i cried, it's 2 plus, nearly 3, sitting at my house bus stop waiting for my friends to pick me up for a house party. It's hell suffering, not wanting to bother peiying, not sure if she's sleeping, not wanting to disturb her, crying alone in that cold night, with only taxi drivers and motorcyclists, more than 5 of them, looking at me while driving past. It was horrible, i swear. Still, no one knows, no one bother, no one cares. Not till peiying message me and asked me what happened. Really, thanks to her. at least, i knew someone's by my side. I'm even crying now thinking about what had happened. Also, during that night when clubbing during sep's birthday. It was hard not to get bothered by everything, i broke down as well. And again, thanks to her, i managed to swallow down my tears. She, that bitch, even send me an ugly picture of me that she went to edit just to make me laugh, and indeed, i really laugh. What an asshole she is. Anyway, due to these past few months, everything, i'm glad to learn that i have a true friend, not that we can help each other with anything, like family matters and stuffs, but at least we can tell each other, i hate you bitch. <3