Have been feeling neglected by others lately, can't help feeling this way, really. Like, even if i'm with a group of people, it's like we didn't talk much, i guess we can only blame those technologies? Anyway, on a side note, i'm glad that i'm trying my best to hold back my temper, and trying to put myself under others' situations. And! i've been going to school everyday because i really want to score well for accounting. I don't dare to mention taxation though, Have been bringing that book of mine home since last week, got that out of my bag but i still didn't open them. back to feelings. There are times when i don't know whether i should say this or that, and i'll always end up regreting. There's too many fake people out there, and i really really really hope my friends are not one of them. I wish i can share some of my thoughts with them but sometimes, every word you said will hurt everyone. You will feel bad if you don't say, You will feel bad when you told them and then troubles starts coming in. Get what i mean? Sigh. And yes, this is the first time i like someone for that long since Dec 2012 /Jan 2013 . I'm still hoping to figure out whether i really like that one person or was it because i missed having someone by my side. 4 Years are quite long too. Time passed fast, memories don't. I don't remember every thing, but at least, i know i felt happy before. Thanks for those 4 years though. Back to that guy, it's like he has someone else in mind, and i really wish that i know who. It's a big burden. Especially when he won't message you or anything. Unless you start the conversation first! and sometimes, he only reply what you want, and i mean some of the questions only. Am i really that annoying, i tried my best, not to message you, to hold it back, to see if you care. But still, no messages, no calls, nothing. I wish i can find someone else. i really wish, i hate scorpio guys.
Guess this topic is about myself and my friends?
hmmm, was just telling my sister yesterday night, that most friends are actually not those type of friends that you think they are. Right now, i'm only close with a few. i am picky with friends. This is true. But to say the truth, which humans aren't selfish? YES, they do care about you, but if it involves themselves, won't they save themselves first? how about this situation, There were three seats left, There's 4 people including you. Who's the fastest to get there, and what do people say when they get those seats. For me, i know how it feels to be neglected, so i will just stay there looking around for seats before sitting, because i don't want anyone to be left out. BUT! it doesn't mean that your 'friend' will do the same thing for you. This is one of it. Another? How about this? you needed help from your friend, be it you ask them this question and that a lot of times, or asking them to do something, they will be like, "HUH????????????!!!" AND they're going to show you that fuck face. i understand, if anyone ask me questions after questions, i will be really irritated, BUT! i will always try not to show them, and let say , if it's something i thought they have to know in order to pass their exam, I DEFINITELY will teach them with patience, i will, the only thing that my friends have to do, is to just wait for me to get that question i'm doing and i'm absolutely correct, because i simply do not want them to get wrong just because i did something wrong. i have to clear the doubts myself first before teaching. Unfortunately, not everyone think that way. i guess i really do have experiences in getting negative experiences, eg. there's lesson when you don't get what that teacher was saying; you being left out in outings because people thought/assume that you are either not free, or! because i won't want to join them. For me, it's not the same, be it my friends want to join or not, i will still ask them if there's group outing. It's really hurtful and sad to be left out.
Indeed! i agree with my friends, i'm short tempered, i am choosy/picky. who's not? tell me. I'm not blaming anyone but myself. I'm not perfect, i know i won't be. Because i'm one of those who don't like this, don't like that. I hate anyone who can't do anything and all they know is to complain, i'm one of them. One of the reason i hate myself. Like there are outings, and i wish my friends can go tgt, but some of them have their own outings to go for. I tried to understand, but still can't help feeling disappointed. This problem even led to me and peiying quarreling. Sorry about that! really! i do know that words hurt, i hate getting hurt, insulted and stuff. The reason why i'm not close to anyone was because that, for me, i have that idea that friendships will always end. No matter what. Anything could happen in anyday. Like, you getting closer to a friend and finding more about their 'negative' side, you found that you can't really take it. Humans. Practically idiots. Naive, stupid. Especially in Singapore, i think. Most people won't bother to care to help out anyone. It's only different when it's them who wanted help. But! despite those negative stuffs, i'm still kind of glad, that i have some friends, who can be my listening ears. Really, i can't share every single thing, but at least when i have those negative thoughts, i can turn to them. Peiying and ben. :)
hoi, shall update about my cambodia trip today, shall choose a few of the photos me and ziying took. im sorry that some of the pictures are not in the correct position.
First day, while we are waiting at the departure hall.
after we alight from the airport; PHNOM PENH, and there was a bus sending us to this place. The killer field.
millions of people were dead during those horrrible tortures and all their head bones are kept here. you can really tell it's different humans by looking at the size and different structure of the bones.
This is the magic tree. They put loud speakers over here and use music to cover those sounds the victims made, in order not to let anyone outside know that they are actually killing and torturing people inside.
These are the teeths bone.
children and women were kept here. majority of them were naked.
Some clothes that were worn by the victims during the torture.
Tools used to torture the victims.
Felt really uncomfortable after viewing the place.
Lunch on the first day.
This is the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum. Some of the pictures were drawn by a survivor who is still alive, if i'm not wrong. Victims were taken to a cell, there's only something that look like a tool box for them to urine and shit, a bowl for food, and an iron bar. at times, they were not allowed to have any food and drinks, and the only thing they can consume, is their urine.
bloods of the victims and they are on the top of the cell room.
Their rules and regulations are nonsense. but victims have to go by it.
This is one the cell room. The windows make it impossible to escape.
Victims were hang at the top, as well as their head being forced into those "tanks" with water.
each person captured were chained with one small ring.
didn't managed to took photos of all the photos. but here's some of them.
Second day was spent at the orphanage.
They made all these with their own hands and sold them away.
Third day was spent at two museums.
This child is 8 years old!
Second museum.
Third museum, but luckily, we are just viewing them from the bus. Because it's really tiring and the weather is hot. Many stairs go climb as well.
Fourth day, at the floating village. there were Vietnamese staying there. They don't belong to their country, but neither do they belong to cambodia.
Children with snakes hung on their shoulders can be seen.
Crocodile farm.
Thursday, i think. went to just to look at the sunsets, and the road was not easy to walk on either. Pity, no sunset can be seen.
Last day, to the butterflies and i forgot what it's called.
A combination of pictures taken from the first day to the last.
Each single night, we spent time playing cards with the girls as well as those annoying boys who keep disturbing me. But night time were well spent, and i managed to get good sleep those following nights. Because i hadn't sleep for like almost 2 nights and im dead tired. We spent those days walking around with our continuous sweats flowing, that i don't even dare to hang my camera on my neck. Luckily xinfa keep lending me his fan.
It was a really great trip as we managed to know more schoolmates, and this trip actually thought me how lucky Singaporeans are. Singaporeans should be born in that 'dirty' life. What i meant was, the people there does not have clean clothes, not all. Their life is terrible, some of them were not even wearing shoes. Every country has their own history, but it was not till i went to cambodia and found out just a little about their history, it makes me want to know more. Everything was good apart from all those sweating and walking. I'm not exactly a museum type of people but the day at the floating village as well as the killer fields, really let me know more about another country! People can be seen fishing with big nets, bathing, kids playing, and they might have drink those damn muddy water if there's no water given. Their house are those huts floating on the water, most huts can be seen with at least one boat tied to it. Many children can be found beggin for money. They either go up to our boat to sell things, or! their small boat attached to the our boat, with father mother and more younger children. The oldest child will keep talking in their language begging for money. Tell me, will Singaporean children even beg for anything? no they don't. They hate losing their face. BUT! it's still great to know that they know how to sing oppa gangnam style and gentleman,. it's not my favourite songs, but i figure out that the places is actually not really very low down compared to the past.
Now, i remember thay my father used to tell me that he kept all kind of animals before. not saying tiger and such, but yes, snakes, dogs and cats, etc. and of course, before malaysia "provides" us with their water, they swim in muddy water as well! but those might be one of the best memories they could ever have. i wish i have a chance to play in those muddy water as well. I'm always telling myself. that i should stay and born in those places. so that i will not look down at people, i will learn how to survive, and i will learn how to save. I know all this logic, but still, i have not act up to it. i'm a real lazy bum, i know. :( .. i'm half done with my post, because i do not know all of their history and stuffs, and i only wrote those that i know of. i hope there will be another opportunity like this.
