yeah, hi, i know that this is going to be a very long post, and the laptop's fan is really getting on my nerves for making an irritating sound non-stop. And my leg just got bitten by a mosquito. anyway, i havent found any job that i like, i wanted to work in a book store actually, and it's either recruit express or some where far. Therefore, i haven't been working ever since the holiday's start. to be exact, i mean before cny, i don't have any job, weiting is a rubbish, absolute. I won't want to bother myself by writing what had happened over there, because i have told enough people, whether they want to assume or what, doesn't matter to me anymore, because i do not want to get anymore fuck-ups from that. exams are harsh for me, and i know that im not interested in the GPA's. yes, if i'm a friend of me, i will probably say eww, because i hate anyone who fails because they don't work enough. truthfully, i tried my best for my sve and english. as for iac and stats, no. reason being, i think im getting upset that i disappointed myself by trying and then failing for that many times, so i gave up. something that i hate about myself, that's one of them. Have been heading out almost everyday, well, just say everyday. Home is nothing but somewhere for me to sleep, yeah, there's no quarrels, arguments and such, sometimes only, but there are too many things that i've kept from my parents, and there's no such thing like they will ask or anything, since they can't see that im troubled, then i shouldn't say anything, i don't need any more troubles because of me. Have been burdened up by the fact that everything relies on me now, but not wanting to be upset right now, let's just say that i'm ignoring the fact that all these are going to be a chore, a serious one, i want nothing but to get out of it, right now, but that's only if my family and i are dead. Feelings are a pressure to me these few days, damn, disappointment as well, what i meant from disappointment, a lot. something that i don't wanna say out as well, because no one actually bother, because some of the facts i mentioned to some friends, have been "mix-ed up", either that or something like i said some of the stuffs, and i forget about others or what, and then everything actually corrupted, sigh, that's when problem come. some people just don't know when to open their mouth and when to shut it. i'm serious about that, therefore, im not going to share everything out, dude, it's my problem, not others, who will bother about my fucking problem anyway? i actually like sharing some of my stuffs out, reason being, i don't like getting stuff up and getting stress from every single problem, i thought sharing can actually makes me relax more, but no. eventually, more problem came up. i seriously felt that some people have some problem, they don't know when to shut up, and some, they assume. fucking assume. something that i despise the most, and then when i don't feel upset when i said something actually, and they thought i do, and bring out the thing that triggers the unhappiness. bloody hell! i think im just going to keep my mouth shut and share them to just one person. yeah, peiying, we shared our problems together and im actually quite relieve. she's actually there for you if you need her, not like some people, they need you, they call you, but when you need them, "erm no, i can't." "erm i think no ba." disappointments like that do exist, yes, thank you so much. i've been speaking with sarcasm because it's really hectic for me these few months, im so just gonna quieten down till school ends next year, either that or im just going to quit school if there's anything else that's going to bother me from there. say me stupid or anything, i felt that i am, actually, right now, all im feeling is that im such a loser that is getting stupider and brainless, knowing all those logics and still planning to do some disappointments for others, i let myself down, DAMN MUCH, I SWEAR, i failed myself, and i hate myself. i guess, that's all for now, because i don't wannt be bothered by myself, - that kind of people.