ALOHA!!! had been to wild wild wet yesterday with siao eis. It's actually a little boring for me cause there' nothing much to play, and because i prefer roller coaster and such. Also, that cyle thingy hadnt been used for a long period of time so we cant get to play it. and we are too tired and lazy to bring that red colour thingy up to that area, just to play, so most of the time, we just stay in the tsunami area, as well as the water that goes a round, and of course, twice of ulah lala. but other than that nothing else. we managed to stay there till 6 plus, before heading to our locker and get our things. After bathing, we head to mac for our dinner as we are really hungry. and then we went back. a day of tiredness, but a little fun, because all of us love water. Hope that Singapore will have other kind of amusement parks so that we can really have fun.

These hew days keep having people who keeps viewing my blog oh, haha. anyway, he called me several times and sent me 3 msges asking me to pick up his call as he had something to say to me. i knew that he's a good guy, and i do not want anything bad to happen to him. Therefore i picked up, we talked, and he keep asking me things when i already told him not to ask a couple of times. so i ended the call, then i picked up again, after he called me 4-5 times. although the first time we talked, and i told him to remain as friends first. This is the first time i have an ex whom i allowed to remain as friend. i dont know what makes me do that, cause i always have that thought that whomever who friend an ex shows that they did not love that person at all. But right now, it's not under that same circumstances that i thought of, it's like a total different thing tgt. he agreed. and he keeps saying that he will change for the better. told him to take up an english class. and he say he will take up chinese class as well. and i replied him saying that i dont need him to learn a chinese class, an english class will go, then take a certificate, get a better job, than his now new current job. and he said that if he were to call me again, pleasae pick up his call. i rreally hopes he gets a better job, upgrade himself, so that he can enjoy in the future. although he will wait for me. i really hope that he wil find a better person whom will stays there for him. right now, his parents does not know that we have break up yet, he did not tell anybody, and there's once qns that i ask him that as his parents and i met each othe in an akward situation, what will they think of me. and he said that he has discussed it with his parents before. hope that good things will come. and he promised me another thing, which i hope that he will really do it IFFFFFFF we happen to be tgt again. although chances are not much, and imm really going to reject him after he had really upgraded himself, unless something else happens.

对不起, 让你哭. 也许我真的已经对你死心, 也许还没, 但, 为了你, 真希望你能找到一个比我还要好的人. 我宁愿我自己老死, 因为我对我的所做所为而惭愧. 让你伤心难过并不是我想要的.可是我真的没办法隐藏我的心情. 你也不可能会了解. 我说了你也听不进去. 不想伤你太深, 就因为你不耐烦, 不想等, 本来是想等你找好了工作再离开, 但你.. 所以我能和你说不喜欢你. 知道你在忍, 我始终还是没办法对你再好一点了. 对你父母很抱歉, 就因为我. ..

hihi! annyeong, Siao ei and eddy went to snow city yst, were supposed to meet at 2 at jurong east mrt station yst, but met up at about 2.30pm instead. cause all of us are late except for gina. took bus and tried to find the route to snow city, and finally we reached. Puchased the tickets and in we went. We collected out shoes and gloves, put our things in the locker and get out jackets. The shoe is quite uncomfortable. anyway, we went in, and the first time we did, it was really cold. BRRR... BUT! there was really nothing to play except for taking the tube, heading towards the long steps, just to slide down and get your butts wet, as well as pain butts and elbow being hurt! so i only went up three times, we cant bring in our phones and took pictures, but then those photographers whom took those pics, doesnt seems to know how to take at a good angle. And we did took a lot of those small papers in order to collect those photos, but apparently, it is expensive and i really do think i can take pictures better than them, hehe kidding, but really! lol! no la! i just think i can take photo well. :D Anyway, we spent half of the time, sitting on the snow (ice kachang) and on those area where we can seat, and spend the other rest of the time throwing and putting ice into almost everyone's back neck. hehe, poor eddy for getting aimed by the girls, poor joanne for getting hit at the spec, and gets to eat the ice that is accidentally thrown into her mouth. Poor ziying who got aimed after she aimed the rest of us, poor gina for getting aimed when we felt that she did not suffer enough, hehe. Finally the 2 hours are up, and we managed to get those extra clothing out of us, and returned all those things, before getting to have our hot choc, which is really expensive if  we brought it ala carte, especially when those foods and drinks there are particularly small. and, we spent quite a period there because they are busy counting the money, haha! and then we went to sakura to check out the price and wanders around the park before taking bus to jurong interchange at boon lay. Spent time talking together such as going to the school and me and eddy changing house cause he stay near my school, and i stay near his. Or we can change to each others sku, and i told cheng rong that im eddy, and he will tell the siao ei, hi im eddy. haha, really funny. We then arrived at jurong point and walked around to decide what to eat, and settled on Fish & Co, between Fish & Co. and the steamboat on lvl 1. Ordered our food and when my came, it seems really delicious, but i've made a wrong choice in choosing mash potatoes as my sides cause you will get sick of it by the time your meal has been 3/4 finished. but its actually really not bad except i dont dare to eat it anymore after eating 7/8 of it. we then took a photo before having our bills paid. Walked over to the 香港鸡蛋仔 Hong Kong Egglet. Not bad, but the taste will differ when it gets cold. and i cant finish it, until i reach home and continue eating it. We then walked about trying to find a place to take photos, and there's no where, and we finally settled at the area beside Golden Village. Took some photos, and i will post them up here later. And oh! ziying asked me during dinner at Fish & Co. saying why didnt i ask them for present. It's because it's past 3 days and it really seems like an outing instead of a birthday celebration. And then i took eddy's jacket instead of wearing the jacket that pubor lend me and didnt even ask me for her jacket back. and i do not want to return him at hor, heh! i knew that it's his fav cause this few times, he always took pictures with that jacket. I returned him in the mrt after singing to the jacket."我舍不得, 你这样的走." it's a lyrics taken from a chinese song. heh! we went home at 10 plus? i only know that i reached home at 11 plus. a bit too fast for me. And yes, today, ziying keeps msging me and i was wondering why, and i thought that she knew that i dont like msgin because i dont like my phone's keypad. cause im always typing fast and keeps typing the wrong letters. but she still sms me. LOL! asking me questions such as, your mum at home? your mum so early cook? you doing what? LOL! well, during that time, i did not get that bothered because im busy watching variety show about 2AM. and then.. i received that msg asking me to go out of my house. and i knew that something is up already. haha! i went to took a look and saw a balloon tied around a big brown envelope. haha! and i knew that they are hiding at the staircase already. hehe! i then went to my bag and took my keys, and open the door, and straight went ahead to the staircase. and they burst out laughing when they saw me, while holding a cake, but then! the wind blew, and there goes all the lighted candles. haha!! asked them to came into the house, took my presents and went in. and cut the cake and took a look at my pictures. aigoo, they should haver told me earlier so that i can bath and wear nicer to take pictures.! LOL! Lucky i did not wear all my singlets as they have just been washed. haha!! cut the cake and gaves out the shares. open up alol my JGS pictures and calenders!!!!! OMG!!! hhaha!! hen hao kan leh!! >< ^(00)^  my handsome prince!! hehe! there are photos taken and i will post it up here. Before that, i will like to thank those whom smsed me, fb-ed me, tweet me, and fb chat me. and of course, those whom celebrates with me. and yes, roliah once told me that msging directly to the phone instead of fbing or twittering, are actually those people who obviously care and treat you as a real friends, and these year, ben and eddy, took me out on friday, the day before my b.dae to sempang bedok to have my second round of dinner, and they treats me, as well as a supper of ice cream:D and they paid everything! and on the very day of my birthday, i woke up late, to help my mum make and fold curry puffs, (my mum told me that i fold those puffs till very nice leh, hehe) and then shiva came with 15 pieces of kfc chickens, cause my mum told him to buy, lol! but, this is the first year that he celebrated with me, since those past year, there's once once when he bought a cake but on that day, i forgot what happened and i am damn unhappy. i dont even know if it's on my birthday or not. and then those past 2 years, he did not celebrated with me and didnt even meet me on my b.dae, cause apparently, he had an accident, and for the other year, i cant rmb what happened. then we went to watch movie, 'snow white and the hunter' and ate Wendys. and we smuggled in a drink and Wendys' fries into the cinema, and then went to the carpark where he parked his bike and we got a summon for not having a seasonal parking ticket when we park at the motorcycles area, and paid in to go into the carpark. emailed them twice and they still did not replied. but then, for me, although shiva came this year just to celebrate my b.dae, the thing is, as some of you knows, me, i have some probs with myself regarding us. as well as everything. So for me, it's a reazlly boring evening, cause i acted like im hyper and a little bit happy, when actually i kind of wished that he did not come at all, but he called me a number of times. and i thought that i should look at how he behaves on that day, and he actually behaves quite ok, and i knew that he knew i went to a disco, and he is not happy about it, but he didnt said anything, at all. right now, im still aint sure what i should do. cause he might be right, and he might not be. SIGH! anyway. i shall post up the pictures aye, but before that, congratulations to jacq, i hope you are happy, and i cant wait to meet up and your newborn, but still, i hope that you will be alright in your future, and that someone will actually changes to be a good father and a good father when the right time comes.
































Thanks for making my b.dae celebration memorable. =D

hi! just reach home . went to simpang bedok with ben and eddy. i really miss the old times hanging out with them. told them that shiva dont like me hanging out and there's once when shiva delete the photo that me and eddy took together. and ben said dont hang out with him together , lol! but eddy said we two very long alr. i really wished i can tell them everything. i did not hide my sad face about what had happened this months to the both of them. and ben knows that im one of a kind when he asked about shiva. hmmm, and i told them, it's hard to tell anyone all these probs. eddy said he know that i have difficulties, and ben say i can just share. but they are guys, it's hard to share. ALTHOUGH THEY ARE NOT THOSE GUYS WHO GOSSIPS LIKE GIRLS! yeah, really luckily that i have them. and guess what, cause last time, as im really that dumb, as shiva dont like me hanging out with guys, i cannot even meet them, so they did not contact me, cause they wont know which side i will join, as if them or shiva, and they say they respect my decision. Good right, sigh! i really really wish that i hadnt know shiva they all in the first place, i really regret everything. and then we talk, and talk, and talk. and even had ice cream. they paid for all my food, and they even treated me ice cream, and even accompany to the bus stop where they are supposed to be in the opposite one, and have to walked a long way to cross the road and walk to that bus stop, after seeing me getting up the bus! sigh! but when we pass by tanah merah mrt to use the toilet, we went to the other side of the main road, and we saw one teacher and her children, then her boy suddenly appear when we turn around the corner, and i hold eddy hand cause of the small boy cause scared we bang into him, and then ben who had walked in front of us, suddenly turn back and saw, and he thought we holding hand. stupid ben. haha, and then we talk about the past and we walk to a long road to another bus stop to take bus.:) i really felt depressed those few months, and even when nothing had happened, and when im just sitting in the bus, i could just wept like a lot of things happen. and today , when eddy sms me to ask ben, i did not reply his msg, neither did i msg ben. but they both call me instead. and get me to meet them. i really really miss the old times with them, if only nothing had happened. and we even talk about something, and it actually connected to what had happened to me. but didnt talked much about it. hmm. and we planned to either watch movie, or ice skating and do roller blading next week. at least, im really at peace with them.

我总是觉得, 总有一天, 我会和我爸妈一样, 总是因为身体有问题, 不能就是总是努力为了家人而赚钱. 也不会为我自己着想. 当问题来的时候, 也没人能让你哭诉, 没人能帮你解决, 万事都得靠自己. 我每天都在问自己, 我能像我妈那么坚强吗, 还是我会和我爸一样, 身体的痛, 是无法说出的痛, 每人能了解那种痛苦, 孩子们也会不怎么看的起我. 现在的我, 总是无法做决定, 什么都不了解, 作出的选择是否对还是错. 我真的觉得自己很失败. 什么事都无法判断, 只会选择喝酒抽烟. 逼自己别在继续想东想西. 我是否还有能力照顾自己. 为什么我总得一个人去面对? 有谁能指使我到底应该怎么做. 我不想照顾我自己. 为何我要照顾我讨厌的人. 我讨厌我自己. 我不知道该怎么站起来. 又有谁能扶我一把? 我该留还是该走. 我没法向我自己交代!

내가 어려움 신뢰 그리고 지금 자신을 이해 있습니다. 난 항상 왜 나는 항상 모든 것에 대해 생각하고 자신이 결정적이 아닌 내린다 자신에게 질문하는 겁니다. 그랬다면 내가 진정 어떤 느낌을 갖고 있는지 알 수 있습니다. 경우에만 제 질문의 마음에 그 해답을 찾을 수 있습니다. 이 며칠 동안 정말 무디되었습니다. 그들 중 일부가 때문에 제 잘못에 대해 있지만, 솔직히 어떤 사람, 어떤 생각이 그 일부의 일부는 항상 있습니다. 어떻게해야하나요? 나는 진짜로 나를 안내하고 나에게 모든걸에 대한 답변을 가리 키도록 사람이 필요합니다. 내 문제가 작동하지 않는 사람을 말하고. 아무도 진짜로 이해하지 않습니다. 그들은 나와 같은 위치에 있지 않습니다. 그들이 나를 위해 불쌍해 보이는 느낌 어쩌죠? 그래서 그들이 나를 위해 슬픈 느낀다면? 그들이 할 수있는 절대적으로 아무것도 없다. 한숨, 진지하게 경우에만 난 아무것도 생각됩니다. 경우에만 우리 가족은 이렇게하지 않았다. 아무것도 망할 일이 없습니다. 모든 것이 동일하지 않습니다! 항상 모든 것을 잊어버리고 다시 처음부터 모든 것을 시작하는 나 자신에게하고 싶었되었습니다. 그러나 것들도 그렇게 쉬운 일이 아닙니다. 이미 지난 몇 개월 동안 애도했습니다. 난 정말 내 자신를 잡아주세요! 나는 결정적이 아닌 오전했다는 사실이 싫어. 상황은 오른쪽으로 가야할지, 아니면 누군가가 더 나은 환경과 상황에 나를 위해 모든 것을 바꿀 것이다! 내가 신속 해외 갈 수 좋겠 방법!

어떻게해야하나요? sigh! i dont know how i am supposed to face him? i cant even talk properly to him. Just because of my feelings towards everything. im dissapointed at myself, for being such a horrible person. Wil he understand how i feel? Will he be ok? no. even valerie and belle ask me when i am getting married? on this particular day. he msg and mis call me, and i didnt even pick up. Sometimes, being just alone will be better. im having headache every now and then. Because there are too many things to stress about. adding on some sort of camp. and agf. If only i am a nothing.