How about this? A relacation future? Staying at those countries, relaxing by the pool. To have some people who will who likes to have fun and enjoy, to be with you, Chit chats, mocktails, dining with those high class people, enjoy those damn great foods, wine, you can sleep whenever and whereever you like. even just sleeping by the pool, or the bathtub in the particular english house, with the tv and music on, sleeping in the bathtub full of nice roses in the soapy water, and well as a couple of ducks floating on those bubbles. sounds heaven, dont they. However, that's a wishful thinking unless im able to have damn lots of money and have those kind of seriously steady friends, who work the same thing with me, do the same thing, have the same mindset, like those things that i like,  love what i like to, loves to eat, loves musics, loves almost everything except for restriction, and by restriction, of course i dont mean like parents dont give me freedom or anything, but just that nothing will tie me down like work, school, or those people who keep following you like some bunch of lunatics. AND OH, yes, i just realised that my latest post are all about relaxations. hmm, And well, one more thing, relavation are hard to earn, you knjow why, you have to avoid bein in a relationship and those people who will drag you down like friends who are having many problems, and families. that's what that will most likely will drag me down, nah, it comfirm will unless a lot of things change, and it's hard adapting to these changes, looks like i cant get married if i wanna have these kind of relaxation, unless, families wont burden you when they have no problems, when friends wont keep coming to you and tell you their problems, and make your heart soften and wondering how to help them, and that your husband and childrens, are sensible people who like to enjoy and they wont be tied down by their own work and such. and by that way, communicating with everyone will be alright. that way, you can do whatever you wants to. but it's totally hard. in singapore. $$$$$$$$$$ especially, Singaporeans financial problems are gonna drag those incomes, and those things that you have to buy to use, they are increasing like some aeroplane who flew up to the sky fast, like some bullets that you are aiming to hit your enemies. yeah, they flew that way! that's why singaporeans, most of them, are going crazy over money, which is one of the cause that families in singapore are always fighting, and then with those things that attract everyone like food, idols, furniture, houses and everything nice. all singaporeans are going to be broke sooner or later,. think i should go overseas as fast as possible. sigh, it's not going to suceed. if only some billionares will guide me to the road where i can earn damn lot of money, and everyone in my families and friends, will be happy without any worries, and no husband or children that will tied me down. hmmm, maybe, i wish, that i can achieve that particular dream of mine.

Have been feeling really down ever since that day. Why? maybe i have been thinking quite a lot, and maybe not? Yes, reasons, are mostly always because of the same people. my family, my friends, Shiva. and of course, my feelings. and yes, partly because of work and studies too. This year, i thought it will be quite eventful but for a start. It don't seems like it. Especially since school starts. and then classmates, and then the school work, and then everything else. Have been flaring my temper up highly lately. I got easily irritated, pissed off, annoyed and unhappy. Even if it's just a small thing that im dissapointed about. And yes, even though there are people around me, but still, no one will be able to get the same feeling like me unless they are experiencing the same thing at the same time as me. I really, really wish that i have a place that i can throw all my feelings about. So that they wont come near me anymore. I really feel that im a burden to everyone, even myself. and yes, i really hate myself. i dislike my character, i detest my feelings, i hate my temper, and im totally dissapointed at myself. Why am i always thinking so badly of myself? If i am my friend, i will have dislike her too. i do have some luck too, i have good friends, ziying. yes, although i cant tell her everything that i have in my mind, still, she tried her best to understand. and yet, im sorry, i still throw my tempers at you sometimes, and i even get pissed off with you easily. and that's what got me even irritated with myself, which got myself pissing myself off. and im really sorry to my clique, that i havebeen so yeltchy this few weeks. i really wish, that i can go somewhere far, alone, to cool myself down, to enjoy the peace. If only they could happen. I wish that i wont be able to hear my ugly thoughts out. i wish and wish that i can get peace. Seriously, everything is blinding me up, with my pack schedule, with my stupid feelings, my fucking thoughts, and everything else. i just want to imagine, myself, in a place where there's nothing out there to get myself sad and dissapointed, to just sit in the bath tub, sleeping, where nothing bad can reach me at all. How i really wish, how i really imagine.

hihi, today nafra test, the weather is suffocating, and it's horrible. after that do project in student hub. we spent more than an hour trying to write the script, but when we tried to role play, we only took 5 min, whereas we are supposed to spent 15 min on video taking our role play. sigh! thinking hard what to write, and yet my brain isnt working. hmmm. also, these few days, i've been feeling damn tired, k , not these few days but those past few weeks, i keep feeling that my schedule is really tired, and i keep feeling damn tired. and i dont feel like working any more. Part of the reasons are cause im really tired, and im afraid i cant cope with my schedule, as well as because during that period, there's only me and sam working. and it's really bored if we dont talk, i prefer to work either alone or in a group when we can talk together. but if he is at the com area, then i will be at other place. there's only sometimes when we are tgt, when we are doing smth, or walk pass each other, or we play game at the com area. thought of quiting too, and tried to discuss with mum yst. but she is doing that choc stuff, so we talk halfway and end halfway. and today, just,  mei mei called me to ask me collect my cheque and that becky said they dont need part timers. wee, and this morning, i just told zy that i rather they fired me. lol! so .. im in luck or smth? hmm, if my mum really wants me to work, i shall find somewhere in the east.
and now bye! damn tired.