heyhey, well. i dont really wanna update lots of things here, except, perhaps, some of my feelings? Hmmm, i have been feeling quite down lately. And it's not entirely about my family or my relationship with shiva. i knew that most of it has to do with me. im getting on my own pathetic nerves. i did those wrong things, i got angry and fed up, i got even irritated with myself, and i blame it on shiva and my family. i tried controlling. But sometimes, i refused to speak anything, and they keep persisting me on telling what i wanted to say, or have already said but they heard nothing of it. And yes, the best part is, out of everything, the one that i hated the most is to keep repeating myself. So i get angrily easily over 'nothing'. But when i send some people msg and when they still dont get it, and keep asking me, when i re-read what i had sent again and again, that, of course, is not going to be my fault. unless i knew that some of those msgs requires me to explain even clearer. And.. argh! i really dont know what i am up to anymore. i dont know what i had done to make myself like this. It's like, what am i doing? Did i did some stupid stuffs just to get myself work out? Sometimes, i tend to get no solution, and the reason why? im aint sure of anything.