sometimes, i felt like going back to the old me. when  i could just say whatever i want, be it i hurt others feeling or what. now, i have to consider and re-consider whether the things that i will be saying will do one good or broke up a friendship. if only i can go back to the old ways, wo xing wo shu! i think that willl be the best for me. i dont know why i will want to leave a good impression on others, and to do something good so that i can change myself into a nicer person, and work hard for my future. if only it's last time, i wont have go to school, i wont have join SC, i could be as negative as i want to. i really dont feel myself at all most of the times. i do not use to laugh so much, telling jokes aso much. all i did was to skip sku, slack, people ask me qns i talk, and do not even bother to care about anything else. i do what i want. when i know that there's someone walking about me, i will ask that person why are they doing that. when ppl accuse me of doing something that i did not do, i go yell back at them, saying im not the one who do it, why should they blame it on me. i find myself hard to get to.i dont understand what im doing right now. y should i take so many things to do, having two jobs, working hard and everything. i want everything to go back to last time like how it used to be. when i dont have to care, when i dont need to care, and y should i bother. i dont have to bother.really, if only i can change back to the old me, which i think is quite diff as im trying my best to be good, how can i be a good and bad person. this is not being pretentious or what, but really, when you are havin so much things on hand in order to be good inorder to not think so much, but wanting so badly to be a hurtful person, to hurt ppl who has hurt you. i dont know how to do it. say, what should i do,